Free to Express My Version of Blackness at Refuge Outdoor Festival 2023

This year’s Refuge Outdoor Festival was incredible and I’m truly looking forward to next year’s gathering! It was the diversity medicine I needed, the vibes were top tier and I met people I’ll definitely be spending time with between retreats.

I grew up in a Black family surrounded by mostly White people and Christian culture (I know, how did I end up like this?!). It made it harder to access some of the deepest parts of who I am and it’s a privilege to have so much more space to do so now. I’ve been making intentional moves to whip up diversity in my life and create more connections with people of color, especially Black people. I already feel a major shift in my confidence and identity. Seemingly overnight my world is filled with more aligned & relevant conversations, more aligned & inspiring culture, a more well rounded self love and global insight, wisdom and cuisine that seems to arrive before me from every direction. The manifestation was strong on this one!

It took me some time to identify the symptoms of constantly being one of the few if not the person of color in a space or community. It can feel awkward, exposed and lonely, maybe even shameful. I find myself internally bracing for micro aggressions, even from the kindest of allies, and have to use large amounts of energy to code switch between different versions of acceptable Blackness. Sure, I could just “be myself” but it’s so ingrained in me to act a certain way in response to  the “White Gaze” and honestly, these days it just feels safer.

But then where do I go to just “be myself”? It’s not like I’ve always felt 100% safe and open in groups of all Black people either. To be Black is to have stories of racism from your own people. I haven’t always felt understood and accepted in various Black communities I’ve been part of. For a long time I let deep seated internal shame around “Not Being Black Enough” keep me from community and connection. It took me a lot of work and a deep awareness of different traumas to get to a place of pride in my unique, storied and lovely, if I do say so myself, expression of Blackness. 

The more I spend time in communities of color the more I realize that Blackness comes in as many expressions as there are Black people. There is absolutely no way you can’t be “Black Enough” when you’re Black. It has nothing to do with who raised you or your shade of brown and it certainly can’t be earned via proximity or affinity. It’s an Ancestral gift passed down from Ancestors as sure and living as my DNA. The more we can spend time together, regulate our nervous systems together, celebrate our unique expressions, tell our stories and let our joy spill over, the healthier, more abundant and FREE we’ll become.

I’m really cherishing all the beautiful opportunities I have to live authentically in community. It's making ALL my relationships, regardless of ancestry, more truthful,  rich and fulfilling in the process.

Thank you Golden Bricks Entertainment Founder Chevon Powell & the whole Refuge Outdoor Festival team/staff/facilitators for the beautiful work you did  in creating a safe space for people of color to have a blast, connect with nature and access those ancestral parts of ourselves that are yearning to be integrated, realized and even celebrated.

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